*Your Questions -- My Answers*

Question #13:

How can I get my 23-year-old son to focus on positivity In his life?

Answer:

As much as it is painful to see our children suffer, unhappy or joyless, aching, etc, we cannot prevent it. It is part of being alive. We go through ups and downs and challenges that force us to cope and eventually overcome. This is the only way to discover our strengths and talents and develop confidence and a strong positive sense of self.

A positive outlook is largely the result of such experiences. If, throughout their lives, children do not experience going through a challenge successfully by themselves, they will not develop the emotional and mental ‘muscle’ (i.e. resilience), that is also responsible for their inner positive sense of capability. When these children are eventually expected to take on life by themselves, they lack this ‘muscle’. No wonder there’s no desire to tackle life head-on. No wonder the focus is on the negative if negative experiences are the sum of their experiences. It is discouraging to not be able to do what seems to be so easy for others.

A negative outlook is in part a defense mechanism to protect one from disappointment; When it’s all negative why bother? And if one does not bother, there’s no failure. Hence, no disappointment.

Unconditional love is a crucial building block in children’s self-worth and positive outlook. It is a shame that our generation as parents misunderstood the concept of unconditional love as a license to spoil our children rotten: give them everything, do everything for them, and overprotect them from life’s difficulties; Not to mention live vicariously through them.

My advice for you is to love him unconditionally. This means that no matter what he does, your love is guaranteed. You love who he is, not what he does. Our approval is love for our children, no matter how old they are. I hope that armed with your love of approval and acceptance your son will find the courage within to slowly change his outlook.

* Please know that you are unique, your family is unique, and the relationships in your life are unique. The answer above is general and does not pertain to any specific family. Please take from it only what speaks and feels right to you.

Feel free to continue the discussion with other questions or a response.

All the best, always,

Smadar Prager, CGP © 27January2025

You are welcome to ask me questions, it’s completely anonymous:

https://tinyurl.com/33hz93ab

Answers will be posted in the quite groups - JOIN HERE:

WOMEN: http://tiny.cc/ve5avz

MEN: http://tiny.cc/te5avz

This post of Q&A can be shared without any changes.

 

10 Back to School essentials:

1. Always prepare cloths and backpacks with the child the night before.

2. Make sure going to bed is a pleasant experience (and on time!).

3. Wake up the kids relaxed & with a smile (music is always a plus).

4. Allow enough time to calmly organize (you too).

5. Don't skip a nutritious breakfast (not milk & cereal).

6. Send a nutritious snack with a loving smiling encouraging note inside.

7. Make sure the child knows who picked them up.

8. Don't forget to send them with a big hug and a kiss, a loving blessing and lots of reassuring.

9. Remember: homework are for your child, not for you.

& 10. Always always, always... love them and remember how precious they are (at any age / grade).

* Have a wonderful blessed & successful school year * 

---------------------------------------------------------- 

Shana Tova from Smadar

[© Smadar Prager, CGP]